My Latest Mistake

Aria Vargas was a careful woman. A control freak, as her last boyfriend had called her. She was not the type to float through life on hope and a prayer. She wouldn’t even do spontaneous outings without knowing exactly where they were going, because she needed to plan the right outfit. What she had done in that dressing room in Colorado was so unlike her.

She hadn’t told Dove about the naughty fling. To be honest, she felt somewhat embarrassed about it, now that she wasn’t lost in a cloud of overpowering lust.

She was sure it was the damn wedding. Getting her emotions all high, making her feel all lovey and lonely and daydreamy about finding her own perfect man. Her romantic notions got the best of her. Not that being banged against a dressing room wall was romantic…

No, that had been raw and dirty lust. Plain and simple. Even if it did take place in a bridal shop. She always dreamed her love life might someday play out like a romantic movie, but that was never what she got. Instead of Prince Charming sweeping her off her feet in a bridal shop, she got a country boy in trashy clothes who pulled her aside for a quick fuck.

Ugh.

What made it worse was how much she enjoyed it.

She really, thoroughly, in every way, enjoyed it. She’d never had sex in public before. Not like that. Not so forward and risky. It had been an adrenaline rush that she didn’t know if she’d ever top. And Luka, oh, he’d been amazing. Made her feel amazing. She could never deny that.

But he was just part of her vacation. A memory to be stowed away and maybe dusted off every now and then. She came home to New York City, returned to her normal life, and tried not to think about the boy who made her lose all control.

That was where she stood now. In her condo in the city. In her bathroom, staring down at her counter. Feeling once again… very out of control.

She’d made a huge mistake.

Three plastic sticks laid on the counter in a neat row. Three little indicators that all read pregnant.

“This can’t be happening…” Aria breathed out in distress, her words barely over a whisper. The first test, she thought, had to be wrong. Those things weren’t 100% accurate. The second test faltered her doubt. The third test squashed it entirely. Three tests couldn’t be wrong. Three of different brands.

She was pregnant.

Her period was due two weeks ago. It was strange when it was late, because like Aria herself, her monthly cycle had always been consistent. By the time it was two whole weeks late, she worried something was wrong. Something like this.

Her heart was beating so hard she felt lightheaded. She sat down on her closed toilet, with its fluffy lavender cover, and fought back tears. How did this happen? How? How? She was always careful. She loved to have sex, but she wasn’t some slut who opened her legs for any man who winked at her. She’d have sex on the first date, but only if she felt a good connection with the guy. She wanted a committed relationship. She hadn’t had sex since she got back from Colorado!

Oh no.

Colorado…

She had sex before she left for the wedding trip, but they had used a condom. She realized now with horrifying clarity that she and Luka used no protection at all…

That must’ve been it. That was how she got pregnant. From that very spontaneous fling that should’ve never happened in the first place. How had they been so foolish?! How did they not even think about protection?! She knew better than that! She knew better!

Now the tears came. Realizing it was her own stupid fault was the last straw. She buried her hands in her face and her shoulders heaved with raw sobs. How had she been so dumb?! She knew all along that was a bad idea! What was she going to do now?!

She used up probably half a roll of toilet paper and wiped her nose until it was sore, before she finally calmed her crying enough to think properly. If one could call her racing mind a proper way of thinking. She got up, avoiding her reflection in the mirror, and went to find her phone.

Sniffling, and feeling as if she could start sobbing again any second, she dialed up her friend. She needed to talk to someone about this. She had a lot of friends, plenty of people who would listen to her and help talk her through it, but one person came instantly to mind. Dove would understand her grief. Dove would help her figure out what she should do.

Aria waited as several rings came over the line and she worried Dove might not answer. Then, finally, there was a groggy, “Hello?”

“Hey…” Aria replied, and her voice cracked, a surge of fresh tears blurring her vision.

“Oh my gosh, Aria, what’s wrong?” Dove asked quickly. Then, quieter and away from the phone, Aria heard her say, “I don’t know, but I need to take this. No, you stay in bed.”

She heard what sounded like Dove moving, and she realized she’d woken her and Burley. She looked at the time and saw it was 2:10AM. That meant it was midnight in Colorado. She hadn’t even known. Time was lost on her this evening. The world could’ve ended outside and she wouldn’t have noticed.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize how late it was,” said Aria.

“That’s fine. What’s wrong? What happened?” Dove insisted, sounding tired but also very concerned. She wished her friend didn’t live halfway across the country. She wanted so badly to hug her and to be held by someone.

What’s wrong? What happened? She didn’t know how to say it out loud. Thinking about the words made her choke on another sob.

“Aria? What’s going on?!” Dove’s voice got more frantic and she knew she was scaring her friend. That wasn’t her intention at all.

“I-I’m okay. I just…” Aria swallowed hard and reached for the tissue box near her couch. She scrunched a tissue over her eyes as she steadied herself. “I think I’m pregnant.”

“Oh… Oh no,” Dove began, and Aria’s heart dropped at that sympathetic tone. As if Dove knowing confirmed it was real. “Aria, honey, I’m so sorry… Are you sure? Have you taken a test yet?”

“Yeah… I took three. They’re all positive.”

“Shit…” There was a short silence as Dove processed. “And… I take it you haven’t been seeing anyone you haven’t told me about?”

Aria let out a shaky sigh. There it was, Dove trying to politely ask her if she knew who the father was. She knew she didn’t have a boyfriend. All she had was a string of bad dates. All mistakes, but none of them were as bad as this latest mistake.

“I wish.” Girl, you don’t even know how badly I wish. “No, it’s… It’s Luka’s.”

“Who? Wait, do you mean our Luka?!”

Aria felt like an idiot all over again at the shocked way Dove replied. She never should’ve fallen for that boy’s charms. She usually had more sense than that. Now not only did she have to admit to her friend that she slept with Luka, she had to somehow deal with carrying his child.

“Yeah,” said Aria, and before she could say anything more, the dam broke. She cried hard again, only this time Dove was on the line with her, offering her words of comfort. Dove didn’t ask more questions, not while she was having a breakdown.

Finally, Aria composed herself enough to talk again.

“I never should’ve hooked up with him… I can’t believe I was so stupid.”

“Hey, you’re not stupid. Don’t say that. I’m gonna help you figure this out, okay? You’re… You’re sure it’s his?”

Aria knew Dove was wrong about that first part, but she didn’t insist. Instead, she simply said, “I’m sure.”

“Well… when did this even happen? I had no idea you liked Luka.”

“I didn’t. It just kinda happened. That day we were doing all those errands together before the wedding… It was only a one time thing. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I mean, of all the people!”

“Aww, well… I mean, Luka’s a good guy,” said Dove, though Aria could swear she heard some hesitance behind those words. She was probably just trying to make her feel better.

“He’s a hick, Dove, and we live a million miles apart!”

“He’s not a hick,” Dove said a little defensively. “He’s Burley’s best friend and I’ve got to know him too. He’s not bad. But what are you gonna do? Do… Do you know yet?”

Aria wiped her nose with a fresh tissue and thought about that question. Was she going to keep it, was the question Dove was cautiously asking. She actually hadn’t thought about the alternative. She didn’t believe in abortions for the sake of convenience. This mistake was going to change her life, but it was her own doing, and she wouldn’t consider getting rid of a baby just to make her life easier. Now, how was she going to deal with this baby? That was what she didn’t know.

“I’m going to keep it. And I… I guess I’ll probably have to raise it on my own.” She felt upset again at the thought. How was she going to tell her parents? She lived on her own, but not because she supported herself. She grew up with wealthy parents who paid for everything for her. She didn’t even have a job, because she didn’t need one. What were they going to think of her becoming a single mother? What were her friends going to think?

“That’s good you want to keep it. I think you should. But… you don’t have to do it on your own. Are you going to talk to Luka about it?” Aria shook her head, even though Dove couldn’t see it over the phone. “I don’t know. I doubt he’d care. He seemed like a giant man child. Not the responsible father type.”

Dove laughed a little at her description of Luka, and that made Aria feel lighter, for just a moment.

“Okay, so maybe that’s accurate. But I’ve seen him be responsible too. Either way, I just really think this is something you should work out with him. I mean, you didn’t make this baby alone. You shouldn’t have to deal with it alone. And who knows, maybe he’ll surprise you.”

Aria wasn’t feeling optimistic about that happening.

“Even if he did want to be involved, how would it work? We live so far away. I can’t see him moving here, and I definitely can’t see me moving there.”

“Aria. Do you remember what you told me, when I was worried about that same thing with Burley? When I thought there was no way we could possibly work out? You told me I should go for it anyway and that we’d figure something out. And we did. We’re married now and I can’t imagine a life without him. So, I think you need to take the same advice. Talk to him and see if you can’t work something out.”

Aria was quiet for a minute as she mulled that over. She kind of hated her own words coming back at her. She hated that Dove was right. Because the easy thing to do would be to handle this on her own. She really didn’t have a great impression of Luka. He was sexy, and he was funny, but he was also annoying, and kind of immature, and he was still so not her type, and she didn’t see them resolving things with a nice bow on top the way Dove did with Burley. She let out a deep sigh.

“It’s different, though… You were in love with Burley. I don’t know if I can ever see myself with Luka.”

“Why not? You liked him enough to have sex with him, didn’t you?”

“Well… yeah… but that was a lapse of judgement. A huge fucking lapse of judgement.”

“Still. Listen, why don’t you come stay with me for a bit? Burley won’t mind. Then you can figure things out with Luka here in person.”

“I dunno, Dove…”

“Come on. This is serious and you need to weigh all your options. Besides, how are we supposed to have pity party ice cream together if you don’t come?”

Aria surprised herself with a laugh. She didn’t think anything would be able to make her laugh tonight. But going to be with her best friend did sound like a great idea. Whether she talked to Luka or not, well she could figure that out later.

“Okay, fine. I’ll come. But don’t tell anyone that I’m pregnant, okay? I need time to think.”

“Yeah, of course, I won’t tell.”

“Thanks,” said Aria. “And make sure you have plenty of rocky road.”